Chairs

I have been thinking about how to go about choosing my creative exercises for this project. So far my thoughts are that they should offer me challenge, taking me beyond my previous experience, addressing my fears or any hesitation I have, or doing something that I am mildly uncomfortable with. Some of these things are:

• Realistic painting with acrylic
• Large pieces
• Portraits
• New techniques or mediums

Today I found that my mind wandered a lot during meditation. I started with a 15 minute sit today and didn't notice the additional 10 minutes really. Andy asked what my motivation is for meditation. I suppose my answer to that would be clarity in my mind, focused attention, and noticing the things that are going on in front of me at all times (the small miracles). I have been quite a frenetic multi-tasker and used to pride myself on this, but don't want to be that way about it anymore. I am more interested in one thing at a time and really being there with that thing whether it be artwork or a friend.

Some of the ideas that came to me about what to do were a solar system (large), Carolyn's farmer's market piece (long overdue and much procrastinated on), a portrait of my husband, painting farm fields (love), bas relief animals for the junior league show.

Today I used a technique taken from a cloth/paper/scissors post where you tack up a number of telephone book pages on a wall, and beginning with your non-dominant hand, paint a face. Chair popped into my mind so I went with it, and did 4 chairs with my left and 4 chairs with my right hand. Using the ND hand is supposed to stimulate the right brain. When they dried, I mounted two of each onto heavy watercolor paper with gel medium, and I will deal with them again by painting them (or maybe using other techniques). It was complete immersion, a flow experience, exciting and fun.

Home sweet home.

The Beginning

Woke up this morning and decided it felt right to "start" my mindfulness/creativity practice. It is a gray day and snow is expected. Paul went to work early and I am alone at home which gives me a good quiet and focused time to begin.

I definitely resisted meditation this morning, and thought of the emails I get from "The Voices" which address how everything will try to keep you from getting to the mat (meditation or yoga). I am still sick so when Andy, the meditation guide talked about the breathing aspect of the meditation, I felt like I wasn't "doing it right" because I couldn't breathe through my nose. But I then realized that whatever I was doing was just right, and that it is only awareness that I am trying to connect with, not doing something perfectly and that there is no place for judgement in my meditation practice.

While meditating, the words "Be Here Now" from the Mason Jennings song came to me, and when I got to the art making portion of my practice, I decided to paint a little canvas with those words to be a reminder to me each day. I will keep it on my art table where I can see it. While making my painting I was happily putting paint down, nothing too critical or "wrong" came up about what I was doing. It was fun & relaxing. I thought about the fact that there are many levels of challenge and that I want to try and cover a range of them. I also want to try things I have never tried, so I will make a list of things that I will try. The biggest challenge will probably be a large full face portrait of my husband, which I have always wanted to do.

I also thought I would like to do a solar system, and relief animal portraits for the Junior League show. Cool ideas. This is going to be great.

Snow day

Snowy Vermont Morning

I woke up this morning to this beautiful scene. Still in my jammies at 11:25 am. During breakfast conversation I shared a quote from Ellen Langer's book, On Becoming an Artist, that particularly made me pause and think.

"The realization that all behavior makes sense from the actor's perspective or else the actor wouldn't do it makes all negative evaluations suspect, and all action based on these evaluations about people questionable."

Ms. Langer is writing about evaluation of art here but doesn't this really apply to everything? Wouldn't we all be more patient and compassionate if we thought that the person who just cut us off on the road might be dealing with an ill parent or child? And if we believed in ourselves more, then we wouldn't be so attached to the evaluations made by others?

Blog is up!!!

I am writing this while in Vermont, and have my shiny new Christmas zafu and zabuton all ready to start my meditation practice. I don't know yet what day I will begin my actual "experiment", but want to do some writing prior to beginning. I gave my friends who were interested in participating in the study some questions that I want to answer as well. They are:

QUESTIONNAIRE

1)   Please describe your experiences with meditation practice. Have you had one in the past? Has it been sporadic or consistent? Do you use an eastern or western method? Are you currently meditating? What approach will you be taking to this aspect of the journey? 

I have had sporadic meditation practice through the years. I like meditation, but haven't stuck with it for any period of time. I have meditated in the style of Thich Nhat Hahn, and the MBSR approach most recently.

2)   What outcome do you hope for with having a daily meditation practice?

I hope to calm down, be more focused, less distracted. I hope to find greater happiness, and deal with the symptoms of depression.

3)   When you do creative work, are you more focused on the process of doing it or the outcome? What is your expectation of each?

I have been more focused on the satisfaction of my client because most of my creative work has been commercial. I would like the process to be more fun, and not have the feeling of rushing.

4)   What creative work have you done in your life as a source of income? How has that been rewarding to you? How has it been frustrating? Do you feel you have been authentic while doing it? Does it make you happy? How? 

The work has been rewarding to me in that it has provided me with a nice life. I have been pretty successful at it, and have somewhat like what I made. It is frustrating that I am not able to have more creative control over my own work, and get pushed around by my clients. I guess I feel somewhat inauthentic because I am more concerned with the feelings of others than what I am expressing. I am not in the moment with this work.

5)   Where is your mind while you are doing this work?

When I am in the conceptual stage I am very focused on the work, but once I am at the stage of coloring, I tend to be distracted, and in some ways onto the next thing. I have a bad case of monkey mind, especially since menopause.

6)   What creative work have you done in your life as a hobby? How has that been rewarding to you? How has it been frustrating? Do you feel you have been authentic while doing it? Does it make you happy? How? 

After moving away from illustration as an income source, I spent some time making pottery at Silvermine. I really liked it, and with the medium being so different than paper and paint, it felt completely different. I did feel authentic, and in the moment. It makes me very happy.

7)   Where is your mind while you are doing this work?

8)   What would you say is the difference between creative work for income and creative work for hobby? 

With creative work for income, you are somewhat under the control of the client. It just has to be that way. When you are doing it for your self, there is much less that you have to give up of yourself. The trick is to be grounded and be able to do work for a client. Or be compassionate and understanding of what they have to do.

9)   What is your plan for your creative work during this 2-3 month time?

10) What do you expect to gain from the experience of being more mindful as you experience creativity and life?

I really hope to gain a better understanding of what contemplative art is, and what it feels like. What is process art making, and how is it? What does it look like? What does it feel like? Will mindfulness change the art making experience, and will I recapture the joy of artmaking?

11) What “scripts” do you follow in your approach to work?

I feel very inadequate and often feel like the whole rest of the art world is better than I am. I am sometimes embarrassed of my primitive style and not knowing how to do certain things that I feel I should know how to do. I definitely am not kind to myself, but critical.

12)  What “scripts” do you follow in your approach to your relationships?

Same. I feel that I am just getting by and that my relationships will blow up at any moment.

13)   What “scripts” do you follow in your approach to taking time for yourself?

I do not take time for myself often enough. This study is a great exercise in seeing if I can do that, and not feel guilty or like other things are more important.

14)   Are you happy? What makes you happy and what makes you unhappy?

I have not been very happy. I am happiest when I am creative, and when my relationships are loving and kind. I am in a position with my job that is not supportive, not creative, and my colleagues are generally not warm or kind.

I have a cold and feel rather out of it and unfocused. These are the feelings I will need to move through during my experiment, especially unfocused.