Spiritual Path

Yesterday was a tough day. I was very emotional, and somewhat fearful and angry. It sounded to me like what Artemis was trying to open, opened and I was flooded with an outpouring of "energy" that I had to deal with. Not easy. Pip and I had a little snit, and I brooded over it on and off for the rest of the day.

I had dinner with Sophie and Audrey, and the topic of conversation centered around meditation quite a lot, and one of the main points was that meditation IS the time to BEGIN AGAIN. And also an opportunity to change habitual patterns, as we discussed during the weekend. The old ancestral patterns, and fears, that repeat and repeat. So by beginning again, and letting go of our thoughts, we have the opportunity to really create change. And open up the flow of energy.

This morning, with all my artwork gone, and a new clean slate, I decided to just let it come out. I started in the center and worked outward, ending with the spire at the top. I really like it, and it was very organic in it's creation. If I were to come up with words to describe it, I would use: center, puzzle pieces fitting, city of love, castle, climbing, upward energy, fire, flames. This was a very good art project for me to do today.

MY BIKE

This is an image I painted of my old bike. It didn't start out to be my bike, it was just a bike, but as I worked on it, it became MY BIKE. I bought this bike, a Schwinn, the icon of my youth, while living in Boulder, CO and although it was never my favorite bike, it represents my time there, the spirit of my time in Boulder, which was a very happy time in my life.

I planned to paint this image for the Greetings from Black Rock auction, and it is only 4 x 6 inches big. But I couldn't give it away, which isn't usually a problem me. I just really like it, and it's really me.

Today I brought 7 paintings to the Junior League building, and now I have no knitting project and no art project in progress right now. It's been a long time that it's been this way, a kind of nice clean slate, and I am excited to start on what's next. What is next??? Don't know. Something grand.

I think I might have to start a farmer's market scene next, and will look at what I have and choose something. Will be fun. I have been wanting to do this for a very long time, but haven't gotten to it, I've procrastinated about it, and have a friend who has been waiting for me to do this painting for a long time.

Yesterday we had graduate school and we had a naturopath/acupuncturist present to us. She was really good and personable and I liked her. She did acupuncture on me and I felt amazing. Made me feel like I should go see her with some of my stuff (which actually is better than it's been). I realized that I have some blockages and from what she said, liver blockage to be specific, which in chinese medicine means stress has gotten to you. I feel that I still need to have more openness in my emotional life, and not hold so much inside. I want to go see Dr. Artemis and ask her to help me to address these things. Starting with diet. Tomorrow.

In so many ways my new practice has made me so happy. I have been pretty private about it, but did show one of my colleagues this blog without letting her read it. I think in my artwork coming up I will try some things again that are different and new for me, and perhaps some real process artwork. What is the difference between process artwork and artwork that is planned? Is it more authentic?

Greetings from Black Rock

For the last few days I have worked on these tiny canvases which I was asked to do for Greetings from Black Rock, a fundraiser for the Black Rock School where they will auction off donated 4 x 6 artwork. Needless to say they were delightfully fun to do, and I even have another piece that I did that I am not giving away because I liked it too much, the orange bike.

Making artwork has been delightful for me, and meditating has improved my mood, my calm, my ability to just be, to start new things, to be flexible, to not strive so much. I don't feel afraid and don't feel intimidated. More on this later.

Finished!!!

It's been exactly one month since I last posted, too long. I have worked on these 6 pieces for just about 6 weeks, a little at a time, each and every day. It was so much fun. I did the 5 12 x 12 pieces all at the same time. I began with the drawings, painted the acrylic, and then as inspired, collaged, using pages torn from magazines mostly. I am very happy with the results, but the process was really a blast.

The butterfly, is 20 x 24, and quite elaborate. It has much more collage than the others, as a matter of fact, the antennas and the background are the only painted areas. I modeled it after my previous butterfly I did for the Junior League show two years ago, but also changed a lot.

The original intent with these pieces was to add quotes, which I had already chosen for all of them. However, when I was mostly done, it seemed like they were done, and didn't need quotes.

I am very content with the process of meditation and art making and have been easily going from day to day. I think that what I am experiencing from it is a better sense of myself in relationship to the world. I am comfortable with who I am, and I feel that I am looking less outside myself for affirmation as I am more comfortable within myself. When I make art, it becomes a tangible expression of Stephanie, which is an outcome of the meditation practice.

When I feel stressed by an event or situation, I often take a few breaths and reconnect with the present moment, which seems to calm me instantly and allows me to pause and move forward on. When I am in spin class, and the exercise is difficult, I count breaths, and try and be moment by moment in what I have to do.

In the meanwhile, I did a yoga and artmaking workshop with Joy Abrams and Myra. It was fun but I thought that the collage making part didn't connect with the meditation as I would have liked for it to have had. There was a lot of talking, and judgment of each other's work. Is positive judgment equally something to avoid as negative judgment?

In just over a month I will have my meditation retreat at IMS. I am really looking forward to it. I feel like the meditations I have done with Sharon Salzberg and other IMS teachers have been very helpful. I love doing lovingkindness meditation. I smile a big smile when I am doing it. One of the teachers said that in the present moment your thoughts don't have to connect with the past, the future and you don't have to write a story about it. SO GOOD. No stories!!!!

I am discovering all kinds of articles and information about meditation and kids. Courses and other things that are very cool. I think it's that I am into it and therefore attracting it. I really want to work on my self image more, so that I don't have to make up stories to hold myself back from joy. Not easy and I think we all do it. But worthwhile to PRACTICE.

Birdhouse Auction

This is my knit bombed birdhouse I made for the Project Return auction, which will be in April this year. It is called "Close Knit", a name given to it by one of the volunteers at Renee's house when I dropped it off.

It came out really great, I actually love it. I hope it brings them lots of money. And that the person who gets it really loves it too.

When I do birdhouses for the auction, I have freely tried new things, and haven't tended to get caught up in anyone's expection of my work, only that it is good for the auction.

This is a very happy piece, I was fun making it, and cheerful, and I look forward to seeing it "fly".

The Past Two Weeks

So, for the past two weeks I have been working on the images to the left. They are for the Junior League's Art Show which happens in March. The good thing is that I am ahead of schedule. My "plan" is to use collage to add detail and paint quotes on the blank spaces I left on each piece. I wonder if planning is a good idea. Do I feel comfortable changing my plan? Do I get stuck in having a plan? Is it less creative?

When I create images like these, I search for similar images online and use them for inspiration, whether it is how to do the zebra's stripes or the colors and styles that seem to work together. I wonder if looking at how other artists do things is a way that I distrust my own creativity or if it is seeking out inspiration for how I want them to look.

I am still reading "On Becoming An Artist" by Ellen Langer, and the other day I read about how "we look at the work of other's that has received high praise in an effort to discern the right way to do it ourselves. The problem with this approach is that we usually end up in the sidelines watching, rather than engaging in the activity and taking control of it. We are too readily guided by the experience and opinions of others, no matter whether they apply to us or our situation."

She goes on to say, "We are taught to think inside the box. Then we are taught to think outside the box. What I want us to ask is, Who put the box there?"

I think that in looking to other artists for inspiration, I am somewhat giving in to a lack of confidence in what I will come up with. I don't believe that I will come up with a greater solution on my own, and maybe there is a little laziness and impatience taking place too. But I understand to not get caught up in that.

Still, I have had lots of fun creating these pictures, and when I am done might do some butterflies on smaller canvases, and will do these without looking at other's butterflies to inform my decisions. I think I will have time before they are due.

Quote on my birthday

Monday, January 28, 2013

I love this. Happy Birthday to me. By the way, today is the one day I didn't meditate or make art. What's up with that??? 

The joy of being youTake a moment to feel, to sincerely feel, how good life is. Breathe in the magnificent possibilities of this unique place and time.
Fully experience the wonderful and amazing fact that you are here. You are alive and aware, and in a position to make all sorts of great things happen.
Right now, you have the opportunity for another magnificent day of being you. Life’s immense goodness is yours with which to work.
Focus your thoughts on the good and valuable things that are. Focus your heart on the good and fulfilling things that can be.
Your existence in this moment, on this day, is nothing short of a miracle. Celebrate the goodness, and commit yourself to spreading it far and wide.
Feel the rich, authentic joy that is the joy of being you. Now, on this day, let it flow out into all you know, and see, and do.
— Ralph Marston

Read more: http://greatday.com/motivate/index.html#ixzz2JHRX3WNJ