ABORIGINAL ARTWORK

So, for the past week or so I have been creating these aboriginal inspired designs for Keri at the Giftwrap Company. I was wary of doing this at first, because I really wanted my study to be about me, and my creativity, and I was concerned that Keri might art direct me too much to make it feel meditative. But I was drawn to the aboriginal influence and was inspired by the books and images I got from the library.

Paul said that Keri probably made this connection through my collages before she suggested I try my hand at this. These have been super time consuming, and the last two I spent close to 5 hours on a piece. I have no problem with that, but I am somewhat falling behind on other responsibilities that I need to keep up with. I like the designs, but feel they could use some color tweeking to be used how she imagined them to be used. We'll see what happens. Glad they are in her hands now.

I have been thinking a lot about my project, and am at the point where I need to start to write my paper. So what has this combination of meditation and art making given me?

It has been a wonderful experience and I am so jazzed about art making now. I think that authenticity is the word that describes it best. A certain quality of knowing of self, confidence in a grounded sort of way, that has only to do with who I am and not my relationship to anyone or anything else. I have been toying with the idea of going back to full-time art making, but also think that I should keep up this practice for awhile before making any decisions like that. And get comfortable making commercial work and holding my own.

Of the two "pieces" that I want to make while still doing this project, one will be a farmer's market piece which is well underway, but I put it aside for this freelance assignment. And it's going well, and has delighted me to work on it. Every day another vegetable or wood surface, and I have surprised myself at the likeness to the photo I am working from. It has really been tough to put it aside to do the "work" pieces.

The other piece is a portrait of Pip which I have not even gotten prepared for yet. It may have to go beyond the scheduled "time" allotted for the project.

I have also agreed to do a "cleanse" over the next 10 days with my friend Karen. I am excited because I feel that I have really created anew during this time, and so will also create a new space for health and movement in my body. Yay.

Hockney

One of the things I have always wanted to paint was a landscape a la David Hockney. I have always really admired his Nichols Canyon and water paintings. He has a way of turning things, as Pip said, into stained glass. He takes scenery and fragments it, creating patterns and quilt-like imagery but keeping it's essence.

In preparation for my own version of his, I thought I would try and copy one of his paintings (with my own slant). His is in oil, mine in watercolor and I decided to add the barn. I like it pretty much, it was a little tedious with all the fields and all the greens but I think that's what makes it pretty nice. The road looks high as it goes into the distance, which wasn't my intention. But it does look like a valley.

I was thinking a barn, and a bicycle and this in the background, large, on canvas. It is one of the challenges that I haven't dealt with yet, making something large. The others are a portrait, and a farmer's market scene.

Spiritual Path

Yesterday was a tough day. I was very emotional, and somewhat fearful and angry. It sounded to me like what Artemis was trying to open, opened and I was flooded with an outpouring of "energy" that I had to deal with. Not easy. Pip and I had a little snit, and I brooded over it on and off for the rest of the day.

I had dinner with Sophie and Audrey, and the topic of conversation centered around meditation quite a lot, and one of the main points was that meditation IS the time to BEGIN AGAIN. And also an opportunity to change habitual patterns, as we discussed during the weekend. The old ancestral patterns, and fears, that repeat and repeat. So by beginning again, and letting go of our thoughts, we have the opportunity to really create change. And open up the flow of energy.

This morning, with all my artwork gone, and a new clean slate, I decided to just let it come out. I started in the center and worked outward, ending with the spire at the top. I really like it, and it was very organic in it's creation. If I were to come up with words to describe it, I would use: center, puzzle pieces fitting, city of love, castle, climbing, upward energy, fire, flames. This was a very good art project for me to do today.

MY BIKE

This is an image I painted of my old bike. It didn't start out to be my bike, it was just a bike, but as I worked on it, it became MY BIKE. I bought this bike, a Schwinn, the icon of my youth, while living in Boulder, CO and although it was never my favorite bike, it represents my time there, the spirit of my time in Boulder, which was a very happy time in my life.

I planned to paint this image for the Greetings from Black Rock auction, and it is only 4 x 6 inches big. But I couldn't give it away, which isn't usually a problem me. I just really like it, and it's really me.

Today I brought 7 paintings to the Junior League building, and now I have no knitting project and no art project in progress right now. It's been a long time that it's been this way, a kind of nice clean slate, and I am excited to start on what's next. What is next??? Don't know. Something grand.

I think I might have to start a farmer's market scene next, and will look at what I have and choose something. Will be fun. I have been wanting to do this for a very long time, but haven't gotten to it, I've procrastinated about it, and have a friend who has been waiting for me to do this painting for a long time.

Yesterday we had graduate school and we had a naturopath/acupuncturist present to us. She was really good and personable and I liked her. She did acupuncture on me and I felt amazing. Made me feel like I should go see her with some of my stuff (which actually is better than it's been). I realized that I have some blockages and from what she said, liver blockage to be specific, which in chinese medicine means stress has gotten to you. I feel that I still need to have more openness in my emotional life, and not hold so much inside. I want to go see Dr. Artemis and ask her to help me to address these things. Starting with diet. Tomorrow.

In so many ways my new practice has made me so happy. I have been pretty private about it, but did show one of my colleagues this blog without letting her read it. I think in my artwork coming up I will try some things again that are different and new for me, and perhaps some real process artwork. What is the difference between process artwork and artwork that is planned? Is it more authentic?

Greetings from Black Rock

For the last few days I have worked on these tiny canvases which I was asked to do for Greetings from Black Rock, a fundraiser for the Black Rock School where they will auction off donated 4 x 6 artwork. Needless to say they were delightfully fun to do, and I even have another piece that I did that I am not giving away because I liked it too much, the orange bike.

Making artwork has been delightful for me, and meditating has improved my mood, my calm, my ability to just be, to start new things, to be flexible, to not strive so much. I don't feel afraid and don't feel intimidated. More on this later.

Finished!!!

It's been exactly one month since I last posted, too long. I have worked on these 6 pieces for just about 6 weeks, a little at a time, each and every day. It was so much fun. I did the 5 12 x 12 pieces all at the same time. I began with the drawings, painted the acrylic, and then as inspired, collaged, using pages torn from magazines mostly. I am very happy with the results, but the process was really a blast.

The butterfly, is 20 x 24, and quite elaborate. It has much more collage than the others, as a matter of fact, the antennas and the background are the only painted areas. I modeled it after my previous butterfly I did for the Junior League show two years ago, but also changed a lot.

The original intent with these pieces was to add quotes, which I had already chosen for all of them. However, when I was mostly done, it seemed like they were done, and didn't need quotes.

I am very content with the process of meditation and art making and have been easily going from day to day. I think that what I am experiencing from it is a better sense of myself in relationship to the world. I am comfortable with who I am, and I feel that I am looking less outside myself for affirmation as I am more comfortable within myself. When I make art, it becomes a tangible expression of Stephanie, which is an outcome of the meditation practice.

When I feel stressed by an event or situation, I often take a few breaths and reconnect with the present moment, which seems to calm me instantly and allows me to pause and move forward on. When I am in spin class, and the exercise is difficult, I count breaths, and try and be moment by moment in what I have to do.

In the meanwhile, I did a yoga and artmaking workshop with Joy Abrams and Myra. It was fun but I thought that the collage making part didn't connect with the meditation as I would have liked for it to have had. There was a lot of talking, and judgment of each other's work. Is positive judgment equally something to avoid as negative judgment?

In just over a month I will have my meditation retreat at IMS. I am really looking forward to it. I feel like the meditations I have done with Sharon Salzberg and other IMS teachers have been very helpful. I love doing lovingkindness meditation. I smile a big smile when I am doing it. One of the teachers said that in the present moment your thoughts don't have to connect with the past, the future and you don't have to write a story about it. SO GOOD. No stories!!!!

I am discovering all kinds of articles and information about meditation and kids. Courses and other things that are very cool. I think it's that I am into it and therefore attracting it. I really want to work on my self image more, so that I don't have to make up stories to hold myself back from joy. Not easy and I think we all do it. But worthwhile to PRACTICE.